Jack Smalley

I was born a poor white seaman's son in a village in Ohio called Bellfountaine. We were on the move like gypsies at the time that I was popped from the belly of my mother. I was then transported to New York were nothing really happened because I was too little to cause any large problems. We then moved to Rochester Minnesota and that’s where the trouble began.

My father a traveling mystic in the computer field for the illustrious IBM Company went to many foreign lands and conversed with oodles of foreign dignitaries while I, a small child, was taken care of by a 21 year old Swedish nanny. The nanny and I spent many an hour together and by the age 10 I was learning the fine arts of Swedish massage on the nanny and a few of her friends. I was then introduced to a wayward woman from India who upon meeting me instantly fell in love even though I was still a small youth of 15. She taught me in the ways of the Kama Sutra and by the time I was 16 I could take any woman's body and turn it into an orgasm making machine. I traveled with my India Princess for a few years visiting Paris and some Germanic lands learning art and getting an education in the finer things of life like beer and rum. At the age of 21 I parted from my Indian love slave and moved off the coast of Florida where I had taken residence with a 16 year old Cuban girl who taught in the ways of here father to roll cigars and drink and talk like a pirate. We would board small sea faring vessels and take the woman from them if they were beautiful and take the men and drop them on an island somewhere since we had no use for them. We would sell the ships for money and keep the woman to take care of my insatiable hunger for sex to which my 16 year old Cuban could not keep up with.

At the age of 23 I became bored with my planetary roaming and decided I would settle down back in the small hamlet of Rochester where I spent some of my youth. I took to meager jobs with meager salaries until the day that I met a man named Johnny the Bull Pearlotto. Johnny the Bull, as we called him, was involved in many rackets including prostitution and drug smuggling. Johnny offered me a job as sweat wiper on the set of his new film "You Know You Got to Eater". I wiped the sweat from the brows of many stars in the porn industry such as Julio Palomino, Shokeashotta Jones and Geno Palazzari. After a year wiping sweat and giving water to the stars Johnny decided I had what it takes to become a star. I became dubbed Lance Goodthrust and my career as a big c*cked sex god was launched. My first film "Eat That C*m Outta My A*s, You Smelly Whore" got rave reviews but didn’t have the depth that I was looking for. I wanted to work on a revolutionary film with more feeling. I attempted to add more feeling to my next film, "You Stupid C*nt, You Forgot to Suck My C*ck Today" but for some reason the reviews weren't any good and my second film dropped in the ratings even though the performance I gave during the big c*m scene made some woman cry. On my third film "Midgets in My Bunghole" I stared with that great midget actress Thumbl"inmyass"lina. Thumble, as we called her on the set, had been in many films and had once stuck her whole head in the vag*na of Jenna Jameson. I tried to give my heart into my performance in the scene where I took Thumble and jammed her head into the a*s of a gay man who was having sex with a goat. I even quoted Shakespeare saying, "What art though in thine ass, Tis Thumble and I am her son". The critics mistook my passion for a drug problem and I ended up in rehab, my only recreation was redoing film lines from past performances with a Mexican girl who thought she was Abe Lincoln. Once out of rehab, clean andsober with the rumors behind me, I turned to God and became priest of the everlasting erection church. A church where sex was a good thing and worship of me was the only prerequisite. The cult, I mean church, was in a field north of Rochester where people would come to me in my god like gold robes, give me all there worldly possessions, get stark naked and flounce with others in a field.

I enjoyed this life for many years although for some reason I still felt hollow. I decided that the IRS and the Government were right and I made my move to a more freedom filled land that is Florida. I presently reside there under the name Manhwaylo. I still have projects in the works but for now my life is more stable and less on the critical edge of society. I will soon be taking large groups of hillbillies and teaching them in the lost art of masturbation hoping that will stop them from reproducing all together and ridding there kind from the world. I am also teaching the female hillbillies about orgasms and the sexual message techniques I learned as a youth.